what I am missing

I wonder what I am missing. 

By standing at the seashore

Lapping water

Distant music

Laughing friends

Surprised discoveries

Sisters bonding over snorkeling 

Sand covered rock

Sand castle suggestions

Beauty of the sea at the shoreline

And deeper secrets to discover. 

I wonder what I am missing

By staying home

By choosing security

By choosing the shade of a roof over the shade of a palm. 

Choosing filtered and conditioned air

Boxed in air

Over the wild breeze, unfiltered and pure.

What am I missing

By ordering the safe food.

The usual.

I wonder what I'm missing

Wearing the pants

And the long sleeves

The cool

The freedom

The release from shame

I wonder what I am missing by being in my own skin

Itchy

Stretchy

Scratchy

Tugging at what is tight

At what is loose

And hoping by means of laundering, it might fit.

Waiting to fit in my skin another day

One day

A day when I've done good

And feel good

And have lost what needs to be lost

And changed sizes

Changed everything about myself just to be myself

Just so I can be myself

Just so I can be

Just so I can.

So I can try, 

so 

I 

can 

at 

least 

try.